


Second Chances

by faeriekenzie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, 2015!phan, Angst, M/M, One Shot, Phan Angst, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:17:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6903652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeriekenzie/pseuds/faeriekenzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A One Shot where Phil didn't want to keep Dan and his relationship a secret, but Dan was not ready to come out to everyone. This resulted in Phil leaving Dan and telling Dan that he had met someone else. One year later, they run into each other at a store after it had been one year since Phil moved out and broke him. What will happen from there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Chances

October 19th, 2009. That date would always remain drilled into Dan's memory. It was the day he met Phil in person after all. That was so long ago and he could still remember that day so clearly, he wasn't sure he had smiled like that for a long time now. It's been a year now since Phil moved out and left him, he wasn't sure he had felt this broken before.

"I can't do this anymore, Dan, It's all becoming too much for me.." The blue eyed boy had told him.

"What do you mean, Phil? What are you saying?" Dan replied, not wanting to believe the thoughts that came into his mind.

"I can't take hiding this anymore, I know it's for the best of us both that we keep it hidden... but I just can't anymore. I don't want to hide our relationship anymore. I-I've also met someone and I really like them," Dan felt his tears then blurred his vision as Phil spoke those words.

"Oh," has whispered. He could barely even speak, he didn't know what to say. His whole world was crashing around him at once.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't do this anymore."

Dan didn't come out of his room for days, maybe even a couple of weeks afterwards. He couldn't see the process of Phil moving out of their apartment together, thinking of it hurt him enough. Being hit by a bus would hurt a million times less than this heartbreak. It broke him. It tore him to pieces like nothing he had ever experienced before. He tried his best not to show it in some videos he made, putting on the best act he could muster. Yet, some of his loyal subscribers that knew him so well had noticed how he wasn't quite the same anymore. He had to stop doing the live streams because all the questions were about Phil and Dan didn't want his subscribers to see him cry or get so upset. He knew that it would make them sad and really didn't want that. Eventually he sent out a tweet saying that Phil and him wanted different things so they would stop asking, in a polite way of course. Phil made the same one, so soon the subscribers just stopped asking about them. Dan took a deep breath and harshly wiped the tears that had fallen onto his cheeks. He didn't want to cry any more, but couldn't help it. Wasn't time was supposed to heal you?

"Shut up," He groaned as he heard his phone continuously go off. He looked over at his alarm clock, it was currently eight o'clock in the evening and he wasn't up for anything.

Slowly, he sat up in his bed. He needed something to eat. He hadn't eaten or gotten up much in the last few days and knew he needed at least something small. He got up onto his feet and ignored what felt like a ton of bricks trying to weight him down back into bed. This was progress. Deep down he was actually a little proud of himself for even just getting up since he hadn't for what felt like weeks. He pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and matched it with a navy blue long-sleeved shirt before walking to the bathroom. His eyes quickly filled with tears once he caught a glimpse of the bathtub. He had remembered the romantic and amazing moments that took place in it with the raven haired male.

"For fucks sake get over him Dan, he wants nothing to do with you," He told himself as he took some deep breaths trying to collect himself back together again.

He faced the mirror and immediately scrunched his nose up. He didn't like what he saw. In his opinion, Dan looked dead. His skin was even more pale than before and just looked rough. He had large dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep he's gotten. It seemed like now these days he either over slept or barely slept at all and it was taking a toll on him. He heard that apparently studies have shown that if you sleep less than the earlier your death could come. He didn't want to die and didn't really have too many suicidal thoughts, but he wanted the misery to end. He knew, like many people have told him millions of times, that it would get better in the end, but they never talked about the process. They never really talked about how you're alive, but you've never felt so dead before. After he had gotten ready and his face looked somewhat alive after washing it, he slid his jacket and shoes on. He didn't really have any food in the apartment right now.

"You can do it, Dan," He said to himself although he didn't really believe what he was saying.

_******* _

There was shit all in this store. He didn't want anything, but knew he needed to eat something. He had probably wandered around the supermarket three times. He just decided on buying some bagels and cream cheese. Maybe if he felt like walking further he would make it to some sort of restaurant or fast food place, but he wasn't up for that. Today at least, perhaps another day. This was even a lot to him. He ran a hand through his messy hair as he walked to the refrigerated aisle. He reached up to grab the last container of cream cheese for his bagels when his hand clashed with another. He flinched at the contact that created butterflies in his stomach almost immediately.

"Sorry," He muttered out before looking at the other person.

Dan suddenly felt like he was suffocating as he looked into the familiar blue eyes. As much as he thought it was best, he couldn't look away. Pictures and videos on the internet had never brought out how amazing Phil's eyes were. His eyes were like an ocean, as cliche as it sounded. On the good days they were bright and rushing with new ideas and excitement with light seeming to give them a new shade of blue. On bad days they were more pale and dark, but full of the most intense emotion. Dan couldn't forget at night when his dark blue eyes were so deep that they could easily catch you in your trap. The only thing that was different was that Dan felt like he was drowning.

"Phil,"

"Dan,"

"Excuse me, I have to go.."

Dan forgot about the cream cheese and tried to get out there as soon as he could. He placed the bagels back on the shelf on his way out, he couldn't handle this. Not now and probably not ever. He knew he needed to eat, but he needed to get away from him. He quickly turned around the corner, but soon felt an arm grip his wrist. He stopped knowing immediately who it was, slowly turning to look at him.

Phil's expression was hurt and sad, he had never wanted to hurt the brunette. He wasn't able to keep hiding their relationship though. After this year Phil slowly saw Dan getting worse and worse through his videos, live streams, and even tweets. Of course, those videos were where Dan was acting. Phil knew Dan better than he knew himself after all. So he knew when he was okay and when he wasn't.

"I'm okay," Dan croaked out through the tears. He hadn't realized he was crying until now.

"You're such a bad liar," Phil sighed.

Phil reached up with his other hand up to wipe Dan's tears away like he has done so many time before. He knew this may hurt Dan more, but it was just what he was used to doing. Dan squeezed his eyes shut and flinched, but slowly relaxed under the raven haired male's touch before ripping his hand out of Phil's grasp. He held his sleeves before taking a step back from Phil. Dan missed his touch and wanted nothing more than to hold Phil's body close to his, but that wasn't right. Phil had someone else.

"You broke me," Dan told him, wiping his own tears away this time.

Dan wanted him to hurt, but at the same time he didn't. He remembered back to the many times thinking of meeting Phil again. He had told himself he would be strong and talk to him in a kind manner like they were old friends who hadn't seen each other in a while, but that isn't what was happening. Dan was here in front of Phil crying.

"I know, I know I didn't mean t-"

"Didn't mean to my ass," Dan scoffed as he cut Phil off. Now he was just getting angry. "Phil, I loved you more than anything and you left. I gave you everything I had including myself. All I didn't want was things to get out because I didn't want our relationship to get torn apart or have- I don't know something! I was afraid and you said you respected that. I didn't ask for much. I asked for that and for you to love me, I didn't ask for much.. I thought I didn't anyways.." Dan finished with his voice feeling a bit rough. He must have been yelling, but he didn't care.

"List-" Phil started before he was cut off.

"No,"

"Please, D-"

"Get away from me,"

"Da-"

"You fucking destr-"

Phil placed a firm hand on Dan's chest and lightly pushed him against the wall. He made sure it wasn't too harsh so that it would hurt him, but just enough to get the brunette to stop speaking for a moment. "Daniel," He spoke sternly to the crying boy. "Listen to me."

Dan did nothing but nod his head and roughly push Phil's hand off his chest. If Phil got his hands on Dan he knew that Dan would give in and just want to hold him close, but Dan didn't want him to have that advantage at the moment. He was mad and hurt. "Just leave, Phil, please. Go back to your new and better lover," Dan said looking down at his feet.

"There isn't someone else," Phil told him honestly, unable to look up at the brunette. "There never was. I made it up. I knew you deserved better and I just- I didn't want to hide anymore. I knew that saying what I said would get you to not come after me. It would push you away far enough,"

Dan looked up at the blue eyed boy with furrowed eyebrows. How could anyone be better than Phil? That wasn't possible. Soul mates only come once in your life and Dan believed that they truly were made for one another. Phil was the color in Dan's dark life.

"This is the first time I have been able to get enough motivation and just will to live to get out of bed myself and get out since you left," Dan whispered honestly.

"I didn't think I would hurt you this bad," Phil confessed as he looked away.

"I hate you so much," Dan sobbed out as more tears gathered in his eyes.

"I know, I know. So do I for what I've done to you," Phil said in a gentle tone, afraid if he spoke he would shatter Dan into pieces. More than he already has.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's waist before burying his head in the nape of his neck. The raven haired male jumped back slightly, clearly surprised by this action. He had figured they would just part ways again. If this was his last moment to have Dan in his arms then he needed to take it even if he thought it was better to be apart.

"I hate you so much," Dan mumbled softly against Phil's pale skin.

Phil knew that even if those words were meant to be harsh that love was laced with every letter and space. His arms wrapped around the taller boy's shoulders and held him close, not wanting to let go any second. They stayed like this for quite some time. Neither daring to pull away. Phil was grateful after a while Dan had stopped crying, but they stayed put and together. The two met at the store at eight o'clock in the evening and it was now an hour or two later. Possibly even more.

"Dan, I'm cold," Phil whispered as it grew darker.

"I don't want you to leave me," Dan whimpered out gently. The usually witty and loud one out of the two immediately in pieces for the quiet and kind one.

'I'm not going anywhere, but we should get inside somewhere," Phil told him, pressing a gentle kiss on the crown of Dan's head.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Dan felt a small smile pull at his lips. He reached up and brushed the black fringe from Phil's face before cupping his cheek. Phil immediately tilted his head slightly into Dan's touch. They had missed each other more than anything in the world. They were two puzzle pieces that were completely different colors, yet somehow managed to fit together perfectly.

"I don't forgive you," Dan whispered, his slowly smile sliding off his face.

"I'm not expecting you too. Not right now at least. I will work for your trust again if you're willing to let me," Phil promised with pleading eyes.

"It's not going to be easy," Dan sighed softly.

"It will be worth it though,"

Dan shook his head slightly as he chuckled. This boy did so many things to him he would never be able to explain them all, but he knew what he felt for Phil was real and he wouldn't ever find with anyone else.

"You're such an idiot," Dan muttered as he pressed his lips softly against Phil's.

He loved Phil more than anything and knew that he wanted to shout it to the world when the time was right.

**Author's Note:**

> This is also posted on Wattpad, I have the same username.


End file.
